Part 196: BCP 25 - Don't Touch Me

Don't let this happen to your facility.



Episode 25: Don't Touch Me

Music: trailer


Hi! I'm Paul! Just your everyday plucky employee of Lobotomy Cobotomy, here today to talk about Don't Touch Me!



Don't Touch Me is a ZAYIN-level Abnormality, which takes on the form of a button. It has only one rule:

DON'T TOUCH IT!!!

Very good, Paul! Should the Manager interact with it in any way, something unfortunate will occur. It's vital that it not be touched, under any circumstances.

As long as you can do that, it's absolutely safe!

Don't Touch Me does have ways of trying to fool a Manager into breaking its single rule, however.



On occasion, Don't Touch Me's containment cell will flash with some kind of effect. The type is random, and includes a number of effects not seen on any Abnormalities currently in our Codex.

But it's all a trick! Dooooon't touch it!



It can also temporarily change its form to that of another Abnormality within the facility, in order to trip up Managers who are playing while zoomed too far out to read its name.

But that's a trick too! Don't you touch it! That skull isn't your friend at all!

That concludes Don't Touch Me's abilities. So long as the Manager doesn't touch it, everything will be fine.

If this were any other show, we could actually leave things off here, huh? It seems like a good spot. But…

It's demonstration time!

Oh boy oh boy! I can't wait to watch what happens when the carnage unfolds!



There are two main types of Don't Touch Me penalties. The first is for when the Manager selects the bar to bring up its Abnormality information, like so.



Wowsers! Everything went all colorlicious up in here!

Oh, Paul-that's not colorlicious at all. Take a closer look.



Breaching battalions, Miss Hod! Every Abnormality in the entire facility's QC hit 0 at once!

That's right, Paul! This is the lesser of the two effects, but it's still very potent.

Lesser? What could be worse than this?



A pertinent question, Paul! And one that we'll answer as soon as the Manager selects the cell itself, like he's trying to perform a work with it. The facility quakes...



And just like that, every agent in the facility is instantly panicked or killed at random!

Yowsers! Now that's unrecoverable, even for our great Manager!

It sure is, Paul! It's imperative that the Manager avoid pressing Don't Touch Me at all costs.



You heard it here, Manager! Don't let this happen to me-er, you! Dooooooon't touch it!

Well, that's all the time we have today. Thanks for joining us! And remember…

Knowledge is just pain plus observation! Have a great day!


Music: Aspire


Good evening, future Managers. There are no graphics today as Don't Touch Me lacks a codex entry, and even attempts to pull up its information on the Deployment screen…

Well, see for yourself.

It is worth noting that one must provoke Don't Touch Me in this way at least once in order to see its proper icon and get its name instead of its serial number. I recommend doing so on the Deployment Screen-it costs the facility one computer with a newly-fried motherboard, but does not cause lasting harm to any agents or clerks.

As for its uses, it has three. The first, as an emergency escape button should our Retry menu ever be sealed off. Pressing it will instantly bring up our failsafe button and allow us to return to the start of the day. This use, admittedly, would take an Abnormality or situation which seals off that menu-I have seen no such thing as of yet.

The second use is more simple: It cannot meltdown. Any time which one would spawn upon it is a time in which we clear one for free. For obvious reasons, this is important-by the later days we are dealing with dozens of the damned things. As for the third…

It is more an opportunity cost than it is anything else. Don't Touch Me is harmless. It cannot cause problems-if it does, it is entirely the fault of the Manager. This means that it is preferable to any number of Abnormalities which are active detriments to the facility, like that magical girl or the damned chia pet. Oh… we'll get to that one.

Anyways, there is one other warning I feel the need to impart upon you. When handling Don't Touch Me, there is a strange reaction which occurs only when it has been provoked enough to overload our systems entirely. This reaction updates the state of our most recent dissolution and equipment details in order to reveal the name of the Abnormality, and provide us with its icon.

It also saves the exact status of the facility at the moment of failure.

A previous Manager did not know this, and provoked Don't Touch Me's reaction by clicking several times on its cell directly during a workday. When his systems finally were restored, he found that he'd had the Abnormality's information…

He also found that his four cycles' worth of powerful ALEPH and WAW equipment had vanished, as all his agents were now wearing the base suit. Angela, could you remind us what happened to that Manager?

In his frustration, he blamed the Abnormality-then hanged himself.

Mm. If handled unwisely, Don't Touch Me can wipe out an immense amount of work in an instant.

However, as I have said-it is entirely the fault of the Manager. At that point, you've pressed it numerous times… and you still have something you want to know about it?

Too much curiosity is a curse. You received precisely what you deserved.

So long as you keep all of this in mind, Don't Touch Me should serve as no trouble whatsoever to any Manager. For now, this old man shall cease his ramblings.

Next time's featured Abnormality…